If you look at me, thought ...- Hope-Lucio, if you look, if you look, if you look, look, Hope, and let me look at me know ... Hope
before passed through the gate, turned and blushed slightly to find that Lucio was looking. Then he lowered his eyes and entered.
- Lucio.
Upon hearing the voice of Antonio, he also blushed, but her shame was not modesty, but a clear sense of betrayal and stupid. Come, Antonio, "he had said," well I know you only interested in my soul and my girl, that this is just a game ... But could not. He could not.
Antonio, within himself, cursing his bad luck, why was not he who was found alone with Hope? Damn lucky, damn lucky, always chasing him, mistreated, insulted with samples of good fortune always traveling forward or with him, but never with him. Damn lucky, damn lucky, he repeated a thousand times. First Giovanni and married Mary, his Mary, who had dreamed of endless nights, which could offer reserved for when the moon on a silver platter, because nothing unless the moon had earned Mary, working day and night to catch up and discover in each step was always farther, farther and farther away, as if the road is extended beyond its limits at a speed in excess of its capacity to travel. Mary was waiting at the end where the moon was, Mary would be the Moon and Moon's gift to Mary, and then, only then would dare to say this was for you, it was always for you, every step, every heartbeat, every breath I allowed my lungs, every drop of blood irrigating my body, all this was for you, and nothing for you, for you. But never came, the way it seemed the apparent top end did nothing to descend into a valley that was continuity, prelude, notice of a slope steeper, and Antonio was the road not caring that was flat or steep, free or full of obstacles, the only concern was that he went beyond a little further and never reached the goal, the Moon only when Giovanni came home with the news, Antonio realized that reaching the moon would have been necessary to follow a more way, even though it was uphill, never failed to be attached to the surface to reach the moon, to reach the Moon was Mary, to lower that it was Maria and Luna deposit it at the feet of Mary, had been necessary to fly, was Giovanni who flew, who dared, who reached her. And now, now that a new star appeared on his way, now that he had sworn to fly just feel the wings on his back, luck, the damn luck prevented him from taking off, because another had cleared the sky, another did not deserve it, another that he was not. You're old, Antonio, she thought, old and alone.
- Did we do it, Antonio? "Said Lucio.
I do not know, Lucio, do not know, "he replied without looking up.
-The tooth was healthy.
"Oh, the wheel," said Antonio.
"Yes, the wheel," did well in sacamuelas tell us?
- Did not you hear what he said yesterday in English? There is no law written paper which can impose laws upon man or not ...
"But the tooth was healthy, Antonio.
"But the old man cried more, do not worry and go to breakfast. Lucio
rolled a cigarette and lit it thinking that it was leaving little snuff in the bag, which had never been able to stick to the diet self-imposed, that Antonio was looking at him suspiciously and that, after all, something of all that is not was going well.
"Come said. Thirteen
impossible not to believe in the milk of fate ... but please a little more, do not be shy ... such a noise about nothing, for the fucking exile after me still in exile ... to see, Regina, Achieve cookies ... because nothing can be so fucking as an exile in exile, nothing worse than the certainty of knowing that wherever foreign support my foot ... eye, Guido, eye in the hollow of the wheel, chew slowly, please, that nobody will run ... L Italy despises me, Argentina kick me in the ass, like I've always been kicked life, as if trying to reach the moon, either by land or by sea, when it should go up, should fly ... baby, serve more coffee to the young ones with empty hands, you, young man, not goofy, as it is, ask ... but it's too late, the wings would have withered me, there is hope for me to understand that no flight can make sense ... cookies are hard, but delicious, is not young? ... the fucking life is as hard as biscuits and not a shred of taste I find, now that I realize that I can not fly, that nothing will be because my wings are dead, burned my wings, my wings untapped lost strength, depleted in my hands, my feet in my mind, and my wings always waiting to unfold, to shake the wind and sent to the moon Moon no longer, or not for me ... ah, what a trip esgunfia this crap, I can not wait to come to America ... not see land when they are flying, they sense the wind hit his face on the heights, and I watch from below, without being able to watch them take off, I can never take off, my strength is gone, how it is have been my strength, how did I first realize, how I needed a smile elusive to warn that my wings are plucked, that more effort that apply shaken, they will continue inert, laughing my will in the same way I have laughed life, fate, luck ... damn and work is not going to miss guys, my friend told me that there sacamuelas for ... what this man knows what is or what there is, what he knows of absences from the failures of the blue, I know what things are, and, above all, know what there is.
I do not want to hear more, I do not want to be here anymore, here or anywhere, not I want to be without being, well, the side of life, is it possible that the door that expelled me time has been in this fucking boat? I do not want to hear more of America, I, I travel driven by a capricious wind, I, who liquidated the past to embark on a present without a future, I dreamed a few days ago to my destination and now I realize that was destiny which made me, made me ball, rag me, I no longer want to hear more, I hurt your voices, your teeth like stones crushing the crumbs, the hopeful laughter, the looks that are elusive to me, looks which they would have to be mine, by logic, merit, reward, are foreign, are for those who have qualms of looks, for whom life is a constant escape of those looks, no one expected, no one will miss me, nobody but me knows that my wings have been burned at Mary and who have died in Hope, nobody knows, neither Mary nor Hope. I no longer want to be here, I can not bear to look me tell you about waiting, waiting for a comment, a word of happiness that awaits America, I do not expect anyone to expect me only repeated the same milk, the laugh luck, lucky bitch who always hits me hard, and do not deserve it, never deserved such abuse. I wanted the moon, fuck that if he wanted to get to the moon and kiss her, and pulling it out of the sky repeated ad nauseam to make it and give it to Mary Mary. The moon was Mary was for Mary, and Mary was for me. And yet here I am, supporting their laughter, their eyes averted, his look wrong because they, those, Lucius, the Giovannis, they are the ones who are here to light the fire that burns my wings. Done, I have done, yet they are innocent, the guilty one is me, because I know the offense and I spent spoiling, they did not know they did what they did and no laws that incriminate, they do not feel guilt and well, why are not more guilty than I myself am a tool, a piece of absurd and cynical game played by a God without mercy. If you have them, God, if you had heard my prayers pity, then I would have given the intelligence to notice the signals that no doubt sent me, I'd cried until he could hear, I'd ripped a slap the veil from my eyes, but no, you've stayed motionless, insensible my prayers, my eagerness to reach the moon, and know God, know that the moon was not for me but for Mary. Mary was my Moon. Mary was the moon. Mary was for me, and if not Mary, the star Esperanza, or if not the star Esperanza, the constellation America, but no, God, no you deserve to give me, or you think you do not know that America will be a laugh, you think not I know my pace, my destiny, always on your side, by the wrong track, always coming when no one is left in the past always carve the cake, always a metro station here, or beyond, but never in the right place at the right time, it is nothing more than a matter of distance, minutes, methods, and you there, showing me the wrong side, the dark side, the other side, back when life was going on the front, and the front when they were not nor crumbs, crumbs as stones, because cookies are tough but tasty, and looks are elusive, and I have no desire to be here, and will bear no more laughter, no, I know I can not, the laughter I hope, are the only ones waiting for me, and I do not wish, by God, God, not desire.
-Antonio, what you think.
"Nothing, Lucio, get me a cracker, very rich coffee, ma'am.
"Oh, I prepared to wait. Antonio
tin cup stopped half way and took the last sip, as if just discovering that he had been drinking the real elixir and only now it would be mouth aware of the privilege reserved for himself the gods.
"Delicious, Esperanza.
Hope smiled and that timid gesture was like a door opening, the connection of a tunnel dug simultaneously on both sides of the mountain, the sudden appearance of colors and aromas that until Antonio had lost one second, or had forgotten, or simply been ignored . The environment disappeared absorbed by the intense light that appreciated in the hole, at the fork now inconceivable, as well as the recent darkness, and weight, and shortness of breath and collapse suddenly seemed unfair to him and God had not reason to fear or fear in the single perception of Hope, extending unlimited fixed yet in place, surrounded by blinding brightness that any form alien to women.
Antonio, in his conscience, he looked back slightly guessing a white feather and the new growing slowly but surely. Not a force felt reborn, but the desperate anxiety to discover that she had never died, so I had been wasting time complaining and swearing at the sky, y. .. But no, Antonio, nothing and no sorrow or care about the lost time, nothing was in vain now and everything was good, no matter what the earlier nor later. Now, now, now, but then forget about your own safety ... Now, now, now, hold on to the lesson and not get lost. Now, now, now. Now world was perfect and that was all that mattered. In a perfect world, until the pain and the fear of pain occupied a place of honor and even indispensable.
asked to wait a little more coffee.
And she, pouring, he smiled again.
Chapters fourteen and fifteen