Photo
Thirty-one
bounced, came and went, did not care, did not concern them, the tears were more noise, like water under the edge of the bow, or the reverberating rats in the shadows of the tanks. I cry, cry, Giovanni was concerned nothing more than fulfill their role, to say the words I should say, and noise would also be lost in the moment, and then sit quietly in his consciousness chameleon, adapting to time, to circumstances that required his name and his words, They completed it with the forms of that pathetic tears.
tears.
Ocean of tears: repeated words, sounds similar. How many times will have to suffer this expression? Tears. And yet there it was again, in his conscience, mimicking the reaction of similar circumstances, rotating in place, oiled, a more complex system of gears that, had he thought, would have imagined a watch, a clock of endless needles (or at least figure inconceivable) that roamed the area a thousand times, multiplying by a thousand and a thousand, and thousand. And the noise, the ticking rhythm to be invented measuring the immeasurable. It was fine and agreeing to the noise, thinking of them as mere noise, needed, as well as his shoulder and his words, and tears on her shoulders. It was fine as well, recalling (and this was a sound, a thought without consciousness of it, think for a mere reflection, or custom, or because the gear would spin and spin and spin ...) morning that he wanted to have second, every second, one by one, without thinking about the past, if not in those who remained to come, start now and wonder if the numbers I knew the names of the numbers who knew no ways, I reach for all the latter would have to tell. Up he tired, until he knew that not to count their numbers reach infinity, suspected, knew, at that age was impossible to assimilate the bearded God the beginning and the end of all things, including himself, was not possible to think of death, because her four years no one died, but would travel or be moved to heaven, a child could not think of death, although in time and in haste and in fear that time was not enough to contain, or numbers to tell, and the words to explain, to their determination (but that is, adult, male child) always come late, yet postponed, was delayed.
and did not realize.
As one listens to the rain, so he spent his life. ***
The consistency Liberato Carmela admired Giovanni was a counterpoint. And also was admirable, there was some glimmer of acceptance did not come to be under a wise look, an assimilation of the life lived without question, without question, an animal paradise, virgin forbidden fruit. This is what was in the successful Liberato movements Giovanni, appropriate to time, place, both to be without anyone noticing, like a window in a front window full of needed in the whole, but unnoticed by the individuality was a soldier, Giovanni was undoubtedly the hero without a name, the character that any complainant needed to build a story without which the hero was the story. Never mind the names, Giovanni was a trifle, but why, of all names, just would be called Giovanni? What other name is Giovanni? How many lives, how many days had passed before emptying into Giovanni? Dad B., Potter tradition, ever interested in his lineage of potters and came to a great, great grandfather who was not B, but another surname not know or wanted to pursue, named Liberato, and there died of known history, that of Giovanni, how far would you go? To what extent could get there ... Giovanni's story would die on him, because he was an unsung hero and thus consist in its history, Liberato someday write, if not previously seduced by the cow left abandoned and the almond root pipes. Giovanni
would not name, and yet unnamed fight with life (not life, to existence) to find one to know why they call it that and not like that, why Giovanni, though not called so. Marco Antonio, Julio Cesar, they all knew who and why, but Giovanni is so common, as simple as Luis Alberto, Jorge Luis, Jorge Alberto, etc. to repeated ad nauseam in this combination (and in tribute to whom, to whom? What Jorge Luis in the story might deserve a similar tribute? When Liberato had children, none of them call it that ... And he thought was right) .
Entranced by the movements, expressions, reactions, dialogue on issues dealing with familiar words with obvious answers that definitely known but necessary for all to continue, Liberato wondered if all that was life, just in case was witness to his future novel, or if I was actually wasting time, yours and the others, because he does not want to do anything served by women who cried hypocrisy and guilt, or by men acting on their obligation to act, in the meantime, life went on in other site, perhaps on deck, among the curious of the third, or perhaps on the upper floors, where the wealthier classes did not even suspect that the Mary Fioravanti had killed a man her family was crying, or the existence of a young man who wanted to live life and write. Well, they said, will be played there in the third, and try to take everything that could: the expression in gentle Giovanni absent, probably his hero, the smells that lived in the cabins of the exiles and now beginning to associate with death (not knowing, perhaps, that his reaction was successful, so successful, and yet a profound mistake, because death does not stank, were not the dead man or the future miasma, because she died, also in the act of dying, but the flavor was there, as more than a memory, perhaps a sign of passage, a pennant of claim or a mark that is left for everyone remember and learn, remember and live, remember and acknowledge that nothing lasts forever and now is the time.) What he needed most were dialogues Liberato, words, phrases the real exchange that, unlike the few books (so few) that I had read in the underground home, never dealt with important topics or lexicons used grand, if life is about important issues, almost always the case sideways, hiding the truth behind metieran of words not afraid. The dialogues of life were repeated clichés, seeking only to cover the silence, life was boring, mediocre, and it may well happen without words, because the insinuations were always valued more than the verbal statements, though these inevitably led to disputes; however there were the words, necessary, fair, almost a shield, a barrier against the dying death itself, a spell to zoom out to show that now, only now there was life.
Thirty-two
America!, Shouted at the exit. America!, Led them to cry. America, with a forced smile, almost carved in wood, a grin that could not be deceived only if looked at his eyes. The eyes were not smiling. They were seeing now, and mind were drawn images of people, the path of smoke rings Pietro, Alma feeding the child, but there was no place for the future. The future could tell, could scream, and could forward them scream but I could not see. What he believed the future, they were only the shapes of their desires, and even with the help of the will would have anticipated a body, a real existence, which really felt Lucio was a terrible fear, would rather feel like a donkey or, worse, a carrot. The future and America were concepts that were lost in fear itself, synonymous with fear. Best snuff and return at first, the happiness that spending on account in the morning and claimed that life in the evenings, there were more than fear, fear and more fear. America, the diffuse target, the unreality behind the sea, had been also for walrus and the walrus was dead.
was day, clear morning, calm and warm sun, anticipating a storm perfect harmony, but harmony in the end, why, then, was allowed early fall, why is immersed in the desired change without trying, why was the third of Mary Fioravanti and not sitting on the edge of their village, where starting (or concluding?) the gravel road and dry powder, together with Pietro smoking, trying in vain to form rings on the cheek shots, in the village had had a woman who might well have called Alma, although it was not, and have fathered a child, or just have stayed forever sitting on the roadside imagining that beyond the hills there were other peoples and other nations, and a future that haunt him because it would be theirs, because they would be struggling with the risk of losing. Interestingly
have thought of a battle, not war, it is curious that, unconsciously, had accepted that each confrontation with life, with the moment, there was only one of many struggles of the Great War. It's funny because Lucio refused to vegetate would have preferred a war was played in wars all die or win, die or lose, win and die, or lose and live, no gray, the result was final, the end of day, in bloody field, each knew what the picture of the situation, and that would be one that would persist until the end, but the battles never was all that. In battles could escape alive, with a defeat on his shoulders, but with the obligation to return for the next skirmish, which perhaps will come out victorious, although this was not definitive. Interestingly
have thought of a battle when it had happened in the cabin of Mary Fioravanti thirty-five was the outcome of a war, Don Guido. With him and everything was said. Interestingly
so sad and heavy as it was, despite the great morning, has agreed to continue fighting even if you tremble legs.
wanted to smoke, but Francisco was asleep.
Finally she said, and rolled a cigarette with his snuff. He breathed in, hit the cheeks and spread smoke report.
smiled.
Chapters Thirty-three - Thirty-Four - Thirty-five